I felt like i was a pandora.
Pandora in here have a different meaning for me.
I hide my feeling inside myself, my sadness, my anger, my disappointedness.
I don't know how to show it to other people, even to my mom. I better zipped my mouth and act like a happiest girl than show my tears.
But, lately, i felt something pain in my heart. It felt like my heart is full of my sadness, felt like my heart can't accept my sadness anymore because it's too full.
I can't and i won't let out my tears infront of people.
When i felt angry, i try my best to shove that feeling. I close my eyes and chill myself. I sigh and hope my anger can fade away with my sigh.
I have bestfriends but, yeah, i still can't show my sadness to them. If i felt sad i want my friends to make me laugh. I don't really need they to listen my story, i just need them to make me laugh. Even, i try to covered my sadness so they didn't know.
But somehow, i need one person to listen my feeling. I need person who can comfort me when i'm sad. I need person who'll hug or patted me when i tell my sadness. And i need person who can always beside me and support me.
Just one, i don't asked for ten people. I just asked one, God.
Why can't i trust people around me? Why i choose to sad alone than tell them everything? Tell them that i'm tired of this shit. I'm tired. I'm really tired. No, my heart was the one who tired.
Everytime my tears almost stream down my face, i blinked nth time so it never out from my eyes. Even my heart is felt heavy and pain, i try to not let my tears out.
Why? Why can't i let out my tears and show everyone around me that i need them to understand me. I need them to always beside me.
Am i selfish? Okay, i know i'm selfish. That's the reason why i don't want trust people around me. If i trust them, i want them to always there for me. Isn't it selfish? *sigh*
Like a pandora. I hide my feeling, and when someone can open this pandora they will know whole my feeling. And maybe it'll bad if they open it, because i hiding many many many sad and anger feeling. And when they can open it, i want them to always beside me.
Well, i guess, i'm better alone.
P.S : Sorry for wrong grammar, i'm really bad at grammar.
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