gunadarma

http://www.gunadarma.ac.id

Mom, Dad<3

Mom, dad, i love you more than anything. You must trust me. I really love both of you.

Even i'm always makes you mad or disappointed, i'll try my best that someday both of you will proud at me.

Even i'm always cold towards both of you, i'm always resist you, i'm not answer when you talk to me, i'm go away when you approached me but inside my heart i really really do love both of you.

So please, forgive me.

Music<3

I love music!

I love listening music!

I love use my earphone!

I love listening with loud volume! (I guess i'll deaf someday-_-)

I can't not listening my playlist in one day. I mean, i'll plug my earphone on my ears and listening my favorite song for 24hour everyday! Okay, i know it's impossible>.<

But, i do really love listening music. They're my bestfriend. They always there for me if i sad or happy. They make me felt calm and peace.

I like to close my eyes when i listening music and nodded my head with the rhythm. It's comfortable, really really comfortable with me.

I love my earphone and i keep him(earphone) like i keep my teaser. Yeah, i really love my earphone. I don't really like someone use my earphone even with my permission. I felt bad mood or jealous(it's silly) if i see my earphone used by other person.

Stupid, huh? *bitter laugh*

But, it's just because my earphone is really really my true friend. It's really really mean for me. I don't want my earphone broke by other person.

When my earphone broke, i really felt stressed xP i quickly grab my wallet and run to the shop that sell an earphone. And i quickly pay it. I can't stand for one day without earphone.

Well, you know how i really love my earphone now, right?

So, don't you dare to stole it from me or broke my earphone! Or i'll break your neck! *glare at you*

Okay, i'm just kidding! Bye~ *throw a kiss*^^

14/05/14

Pandora.

I felt like i was a pandora.

Pandora in here have a different meaning for me.

I hide my feeling inside myself, my sadness, my anger, my disappointedness.

I don't know how to show it to other people, even to my mom. I better zipped my mouth and act like a happiest girl than show my tears.

But, lately, i felt something pain in my heart. It felt like my heart is full of my sadness, felt like my heart can't accept my sadness anymore because it's too full.

I can't and i won't let out my tears infront of people.

When i felt angry, i try my best to shove that feeling. I close my eyes and chill myself. I sigh and hope my anger can fade away with my sigh.

I have bestfriends but, yeah, i still can't show my sadness to them. If i felt sad i want my friends to make me laugh. I don't really need they to listen my story, i just need them to make me laugh. Even, i try to covered my sadness so they didn't know.

But somehow, i need one person to listen my feeling. I need person who can comfort me when i'm sad. I need person who'll hug or patted me when i tell my sadness. And i need person who can always beside me and support me.

Just one, i don't asked for ten people. I just asked one, God.

Why can't i trust people around me? Why i choose to sad alone than tell them everything? Tell them that i'm tired of this shit. I'm tired. I'm really tired. No, my heart was the one who tired.

Everytime my tears almost stream down my face, i blinked nth time so it never out from my eyes. Even my heart is felt heavy and pain, i try to not let my tears out.

Why? Why can't i let out my tears and show everyone around me that i need them to understand me. I need them to always beside me.

Am i selfish? Okay, i know i'm selfish. That's the reason why i don't want trust people around me. If i trust them, i want them to always there for me. Isn't it selfish? *sigh*

Like a pandora. I hide my feeling, and when someone can open this pandora they will know whole my feeling. And maybe it'll bad if they open it, because i hiding many many many sad and anger feeling. And when they can open it, i want them to always beside me.

Well, i guess, i'm better alone.

P.S : Sorry for wrong grammar, i'm really bad at grammar.

BORED!

Today it's the first time i'm really really bored with my life.

I watched tv and switched every channel but no one caught my attention.

I watched youtube, from many videos in there it still make me bored.

I read novel and yeah, i'm just read 3 page then i still feel bored and throw my novel, so did my manga.

I wrote my story, but i get a writer's block because of this boredom.

I listening my playlist but it makes me feel noisy even with my favourite song.

I open my -one and only- social media (twitter) but i don't know what to do or what will i update on it.

I want to go out but i'm too lazy.

I want to chatting with my friends but i'm lazy too to talked or maybe i don't have real friend who can make my boredom fade away.

I don't know what to do. I'm very very bored with my life. I need a new life. I need some new activity. What should i do?????

P.S : i'm sorry for wrong grammar>.<